Old Nokia Phones Making a Comeback
We have been meme-ing about this phone for some time but I can finally say the GOD of all mother fucking mobile phones is back. Que the Nokia 3310… again… Recently unveiled at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona.
Re-launched 17 years after its debut this indestructible brick of shit is showing how phone companies are using nostalgia to (rape our pockets) their advantage.
Back to the future
If anyone here remembers the initial excitement around Apples first gen iPhone release (and maybe even the the second and 3rd before we realized NOTHING WAS FUCKING CHANGING). You’ll know that these days theres a lot of saturation in the market or to put it bluntly EVERYBODY IS DOING THE SAME FUCKING THING.
if you’re a fanboy keyboard warrior reading this PLEASE move out of your mothers basement/get a girlfriend etc before telling me either brand is better than the other, thank you.
ANYWAY. Customers are being offered two things in one.Modern-ish features, coupled with a styling and simplicity that they have had emotional connections with in the past. which would be fucking fantastic if a large majority of the smartphone market wasn’t kids who cant even remember what DVD’s looked like, never mind a Nokiasaurus fucking rex.
“Watch this space for a link to a post where I rant about parents giving their sprogs smartphones for their 6 month birthday – fucking mental, what are you doing parents”
The Nokia 3310
The new version of the Nokia 3310 is actually being released under licence by Finnish start-up HMD Global. This is because Nokia fell off the face of the fucking earth and now manufactures telecoms equipment but doesn’t actually make phones?
Nokia Doesn’t Make Phones?
that is legit the official line. So basically they don’t make phones anymore because they’re too busy making phones… right? moving on!
Nokia’s original 3310 was the first mass-market mobile, and by re-introducing a version of it HMD Global could expect to
milk us for every penny they can take advantage of some good old nostalgia.
What am I saying?
Well, lets be honest… This phone is definitely going to go viral and people are definitely going to go out on a whim and buy one just because (assuming the price is low). And as many of you will know “just because” is a legitimate reason for 95% of all tech purchases. *casually glances over at WiFi connected light bulb*
But how long can I use it on the toilet for?
In terms of the features it offers, users may be most impressed by its long battery life. Primarily because our fucking “modern” phones cant cope with shit and die at 40% battery life rarely making it through a full day. This shit brick however has up to a month’s standby time and can deliver more than 22 hours of talk time.
Tech twats (professionals) have quietly and awkwardly said that users may be less impressed by its 2.5G connectivity, relatively small range of apps, and 2mp camera. But honestly if you’re buying this phone to get the best features out there now your ability to research the market is fucking diabolical and you need to go buy a soft helmet and try to remember to blink and breathe at regular intervals you fucking cretin.
One thing the new 3310 has been very successful at is grabbing attention and headlines.
which doesn’t say much because we literally allow cats and memes to go viral
Who’s buying one then!? (the Nokia not the cat…)